Ugly Christmas sweater parties are a dime a dozen in the winter months, and though nobody says it, these events have become covert competitions that measure just how funny/creative you are through your festive purchase. Despite the reality that this cleverness is the result of the clothing manufacturer and not the wearer of said garment, the ugliest sweater title usually goes to the person who’s spent the most money or knows the best websites for these knitted treasures. Since that’s the case, this year we’ve done the hunting for you, providing you with an ultimate ugly Christmas sweater buying guide.

Humping Reindeer Sweater ($32.99)

Are you crude? Do you like sex? Then there’s no better sweater than one featuring two reindeer joyously humping.

Drake Hotline Bling Sweater ($25.92)

Don’t believe in Christmas folklore? Go topical with Drake’s unofficial “Hotline Bling” sweatshirt.

Santa Breaks the Internet Sweater ($74.95)

Kim’s not the only one with a little junk in her trunk.

“The Night Before” Hanukkah Sweater ($64.95)

This is the official sweater for Seth Rogen’s character in the brand-new holiday comedy “The Night Before.” All three sweaters from the film are available.

Yellow Snow Sweater ($64.95)

Santa’s merry message signed in his own urine.

Happy Birthday Jesus Sweater ($64.95)

It’s why Christmas is a holiday, after all.

Drinking Game Sweater ($89.95)

Score! This baby’s currently sold out, but the website promises it’ll be returning soon.

3D Christmas Sweater with Stuffed Moose ($67.95)

I don’t understand the point of this, but it’ll definitely stir up conversation.

Fruit Cake Sweater ($49.99)

Not quite sure what this is insinuating.

“Kiss My Ass” Moose Mug Sweater ($64.99)

Clark Griswold said it best.

“Sh*tter’s Full” Sweater ($56.99)

And who doesn’t love Cousin Eddie?

Ugliest Sweater Award Christmas Sweater ($52.99)

This sweater has a built-in mirror, meaning the person you’re facing is what’s making your sweater ugly. Clever, right?

Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Owl Sweater ($56.99)

A Christmas sweater For Harry Potter fans is further evidence that there is a sweater out there for everybody.

Elf Ginormous Christmas Sweater ($56.99)

Is Elf your favorite holiday flick? There’s a sweater for you, too.

Sequin X-Mas Lights Blazer Jacket ($64.95)

Too fancy for sweaters? Toss on a flashy holiday blazer – with sequins!

Crack Deeeez Nuts Ugly Christmas Sweater ($64.99)

Of course, Deez Nuts had to get in on the action – with nut crackers, no less.

THOT Mrs. Claus Ugly Christmas Sweater ($64.99)

Mrs. Claus, a hoe? Well, that’s one way to bring the matriarch of Christmas back into the picture.

Camo Santa Ugly Christmas Sweater ($60.00)

Looks like the “Duck Dynasty” franchise got their hands on Santa, too.

Mele Kalikimaka Ugly Christmas Sweater ($29.99)

For those who want to skip the winter weather, but can’t afford it.

Bikini Sasquatch Ugly Christmas Sweater ($29.99)

There were a lot of Bigfoot Christmas sweaters for some reason. This one took the cake.